You are currently browsing Julia Christina’s articles.

A girlfriend of mine that does not yet have kids asked me today what were must have for me when my son was born.  Tricky question, I think there are many little things that helped that I will make good use of for my second baby.

  • calendula save, for a new mom and a new babe. In the hospital after the baby’s first bath they give you a tiny bit of olive oil (*needs to be cold pressed). Lube that baby’s bum up and them and keep them lubed until the meconium pooh is done (within a couple of days). Otherwise meconium is really hard to get off of them! This is great for the healing Mom too. I originally got it for me at recommendation from my midwife as I was uncomfortable ‘down there’, and it helped, but found it had multiple uses and I could have used it on my son right from the get go instead of olive oil.
  • 40% zinc cream for diaper rashes (you need to check the ingredients, very few have 40%). There are two brands that I have found that make it “‘lil goat”, but it has quite a scent to it. And “Extra Strength Zincofax”. If I had known how much little ones go to the bathroom when they are first born… every time they go it is pooh! I would have placed this on as a precaution before getting the diaper rash. My son got such a bad diaper rash it bleed. And once that happens, it’s hard to put anything on it to protect it… nothing wants to stick. Next time I will have a tub of this and apply after ever diaper change from day 2 or 3 on to prevent one! (after meconium is done with that is).
  • lots of washcloths and large receiving blankets (as big as 36×36 inches). It will amaze you how many you go through. We still use washcloths… and I need more!
  • bibs with snaps, OR ones with GENTAL Velcro (does not hurt to rub on your skin) on the SIDE, NOT the back of the neck. We had so many bibs that cut up the back of my son’s neck. My favourite ones were from Carter’s in the USA. I never found any in Canada that I liked. I would get them on our trips down to the San Francisco. I plan to stock up before next babe! As my son has made good use of the ones I had for him, and don’t think they can be passed down.
  • once our son was a little older, old enough to sit up in a high chair on his own, but not old enough to eat from a bowl. I loved using a little place mat thing (called tiny diner: http://www.jamtots.com/Kiddopotamus-TinyDiner-Portable-Placemats-C525.aspx), that has suction cups on the back to stick to the table, and a little catcher for food. A girlfriend bought it for William’s first birthday. We used it so much. And provided me with piece of mind, because I cleaned it and he didn’t need to eat off the dirty restaurant tables. I know they have it at ToysR’Us as well for only $10 but I cannot seem to find it on their website to link to it.
  • along with the above, we liked the little scoop bib. It allowed us to give him snacks, in the car… we would just put the snack in the bib and he would grab it when he wanted it. If we gave him a bowl, or snack trap, he would find one way or another of turning it upside down and it going everywhere. When it was attached to his neck, it was a lot harder to do, and even if he did, he still landed back in the bib catcher thing! The one I got us from Superstore and I love it. Very similar looking to this: http://www.babyproofingplus.com/item9390.htm
  • the DVD Happiest Baby on the Block by Harvey Karp. Most first time moms can have fuss pot babes and this teaches you soothing techniques you need to know to survive fussiness (what used to be called colic). It helped us A LOT! If you are really keen you can then get the book, but the DVD for busy new parents works well for starters.
  • along with the above we had a ocean sounds CD. We actually originally got it for my meditation, but found our son loved it as it was similar to the noisy sound of the uterus, like white noise.

Things I will consider getting for our second by didn’t have for our first….

  • a bassinet instead of a crib in our room. For our son we had him in our room and over time moved him to his crib. But even when he was in his crib there were countless nights when one of us would sleep with our hand over the side (and our arms would fall asleep), because in order to sleep he needed one of us touching him. I really would love to have a co-sleeper.
  • a bigger bed… like a kingsize. Many babies need to sleep with you the first few weeks, and a bigger bed makes it all that much easier. Also in pregnancy I took up way too much room in our bed with all my pillows and having to stretch a certain way. Led to “this is my side”… when that normally isn’t a problem. I love to cuddle with my hubby…. unless I am uncomfortable (aka pregnancy).

This is all I can think of for now. I will add things in as I think of them. And if you as a first mom are reading this, please let me know what you loved!

I have been really waffling ever since my first baby was a year old on when to get pregnant again. I am not currently pregnant… but lately have wanted to be. I feel like I am hearing of more and more people expecting… I know of 5 people expecting between January and March in 2010. Ever new person just adds to my itch on wanting another. But I can’t decide when… start trying now or in 6 months from now?

I went through a tough postpartum stage with my first. Some close friends don’t even really know about it because I really didn’t want to talk to many people about it.

My son is at an age that is loves having other little ones around (he is a 1.5 years). He gets super excited to go to “school” (group daycare) in the mornings.

My hubby is dead against having a baby between September and December. So that leaves July and August… if we get pregnant now there is a chance we could have a July or August baby. Otherwise we’d have to wait to try until at least April, as he wants to avoid having a December baby.

Doing my research I’ve found that parents will advocate for whatever they have in their family… be it siblings close or further apart.

Positives for waiting until the spring to get pregnant for me are:

  • I just joined a new swim club, get up to speed quicker. Pregnant I wouldn’t be able to push myself.
  • Get allergy shots for 6 months before having next child.
  • Get through this flu season and able to get all my flu shots (I’m considered in high risk section because of my allergies and asthma make me more susceptible to illnesses).
  • Get my jewelry business up and running… not sure if I could do it pregnant or not… but my initial research tells me with the right things (proper ventilation, masks, gloves etc.) it should not be a problem.
  • Gives me a few more months for my hormones to level out, get over PPD,  before getting pregnant again.

Positives for getting pregnant now:

  • Cause I want to be pregnant, lol!
  • I think my son would really benefit from a playmate, he loves company so much.
  • Get it over and done with… we are in that stage now anyway. Up at night anyway, in bottle and diapers anyway.

Children will be either 2 years and 3 or 4 months apart… or 2 years and 9 months + years apart, will that 6 months make a difference?!

What do you think? Please leave a comment or email me with a comment.

I had to read my old blog post to remember how Lloyd and I first came to be engaged. It was quite a non-process. I had said in that Lloyd proposed to me in Cedar Hill Golf Course one night, and that is sort of true. Instead of asking me to marry him he said, “I want to marry you someday”… and throughout our time together over that next month it turned into will you marry me, me saying ‘yes’ but also said he has to propose “for real” one day. That day didn’t come. Lloyd found out he was going to move to San Francisco and I decided to come with him. We told our parents we were going, and choose to announce our engagement before moving. We arrived in San Francisco and bought a ring, I was so excited I wanted to wear it right away. The original plan was for him to take it back so he could “officially propose”. Why? Cause it is and was really important to me to be officially asked. Again that day never came. Our wedding came and went and I started to feel disappointed that I never got a proper proposal. Felt like I had missed out on one of life’s important moments.

The ring that we picked out was a little in haste. And it ended up being rather hard to wear because it was high and had prongs settings that caught on everything… and everyone! Lloyd and I talked about getting me a new engagement ring in the years to come. I was thinking maybe at our 5th or 10th anniversary.

At our secret anniversary this past Christmas 2008 we celebrate… December 19th, Lloyd took me out to dinner at Il Terrazzo eatery. We had been together 3.5 years at this point.  I thought for once I had outdone Lloyd in an anniversary gift. I had gotten him future tickets for wine tour up island. Every other year Lloyd has gotten me some sort of jewelry, and this year I was sure he hadn’t gotten me anything. I gave him my gift and he didn’t give me anything back, so I figured he didn’t get me anything. Which was good, he’d outdone himself too many years prior.

We were talking about another sensitive topic and I had tears in my eyes. (I was missing an old family friend and was reminiscing about my childhood). Lloyd got up and was coming to my side of the table. It was a crowded restaurant that night. I thought he was just coming over to comfort me. To my surprise he knelt down and pulled out of box, and said something along the lines of … “i’ll love you forever…partners always?!”…. I don’t remember specifically because he had already opened the box at that point and I was staring at the ring! I said yes again.

My mind was reeling. How and when did he do this without me knowing? He picked it out himself with no help from anyone, including me, so it was a real surprise. And even better it was beautiful! The diamond itself looked flawless, and it was low set in a half bezel, open on the top and bottom with a thick white gold band from Birks.

A colleague at work knows a lot about astrology. Lately I have become more interested in it and asked her to tell me what my planets were. She did both mine and Lloyds and I took her out for lunch for a bit of an explanation. Mostly I think she is bang on.

My sun sign is TAURUS, earth. My senses are important. I need comfort. Things tend to be black and white.

My number is a 5, which means I am okay with change.

My planets are:

MOON (emotions) – Pisces.  Pisces is a water sign. Means I feel my emotions. I live in questions. I question everything I feel.

MERCURY (how one communicates, how I talk) – Taurus. This means I communicate like a taurean. I plaud and am methodical in my communication. Things are black and white. I am patient in my communication. I have a line, once you cross it I explode (think of how a bull is in the ring, pacing back and forth, then it charges). A Taurys is an earth sign.

VENUS (how one loves, also sexuality for a woman) – Gemini. I think my love, meaning I love through my head instead of my heart. If you ask me why I love someone I will be able to describe it and tell you, instead of saying “just cause”.

MARS (ones energy, how one comes across to the world) – Taurus. I am even and methodical, practical. No nonsense. Very business like. Very solid and dependable. I come across as a dependable employee.

JUPITER (how one works, how you apply yourself to things) – Leo. I am theatrical. Beauty if very important. I am giving and playful. I like to be one cut above the rest. I need to be better than everyone. Like a lion, I am very proud.

SATURN (how one fights, with others and myself) – Leo. I am regal and proud. Like a lion, I have to win. I am very expressive and dramatic. Passionate.

Lloyds sun sign is SAGITTARIUS. Sagittarius is also an earth sign. It is known as the clown of the zodiac.

Lloyds number is a 5, which means he is okay with change.

Lloyds planets:

MOON (emotions) – Gemini. His emotions are thought, he thinks his feelings. A way to connect with him  is by using words like “think, sense, logic”. He is good at talking and communicating. Emotions always hover around.

MERCURY (how one communicates, how he talks) – Sagittarius. They say what is true for them. Like to make people happy. Often blunt in communicating. Pure, no malintent, not mean spirited.

VENUS (how one loves) – Sagittarius. Not too dependable, tends to be a player in love. Commands attention. Tells the truth. A lot of talk but not necessarily follow through.

MARS (ones energy, how one comes across to the world, also sexuality for a man) – Leo. Warm giving, like the drama. Kind, good, flamboyant. Great father, picture a lion playing with his cubs. Pride shines out. Wants to know his mate sees him in the highest light. Don’t put a Leo down, especially in public.

JUPITER (how one works, how you apply yourself to things) – Cancer. Very giving. Motherly. Family important. Sees work mates as his family members.

SATURN (how one fights, with others and myself) – Virgo. Servitude. Very exact. Always correcting. Sense and sensibility. “No I didn’t say that I said this…”. “I didn’t mean that…”.

My son’s sun sign is Aries. It is a fire sign. Innocence, naive and will make blunders.

A colleague at work knows a lot about astrology. Lately I have become more interested in it and asked her to tell me what my planets were. She did both mine and Lloyds and I took her out for lunch for a bit of an explanation. Mostly I think she is bang on.

My sun sign is TAURUS, earth. My senses are important. I need comfort. Things tend to be black and white.

My number is a 5, which means I am okay with change.

My planets are:

MOON (emotions) – Pisces.  Pisces is a water sign. Means I feel my emotions. I live in questions. I question everything I feel.

MERCURY (how one communicates, how I talk) – Taurus. This means I communicate like a taurean. I plaud and am methodical in my communication. Things are black and white. I am patient in my communication. I have a line, once you cross it I explode (think of how a bull is in the ring, pacing back and forth, then it charges). A Taurys is an earth sign.

VENUS (how one loves, also sexuality for a woman) – Gemini. I think my love, meaning I love through my head instead of my heart. If you ask me why I love someone I will be able to describe it and tell you, instead of saying “just cause”.

MARS (ones energy, how one comes across to the world) – Taurus. I am even and methodical, practical. No nonsense. Very business like. Very solid and dependable. I come across as a dependable employee.

JUPITER (how one works, how you apply yourself to things) – Leo. I am theatrical. Beauty if very important. I am giving and playful. I like to be one cut above the rest. I need to be better than everyone. Like a lion, I am very proud.

SATURN (how one fights, with others and myself) – Leo. I am regal and proud. Like a lion, I have to win. I am very expressive and dramatic. Passionate.

Lloyds sun sign is SAGITTARIUS. Sagittarius is also an earth sign. It is known as the clown of the zodiac.

Lloyds number is a 5, which means he is okay with change.

Lloyds planets:

MOON (emotions) – Gemini. His emotions are thought, he thinks his feelings. A way to connect with him  is by using words like “think, sense, logic”. He is good at talking and communicating. Emotions always hover around.

MERCURY (how one communicates, how he talks) – Sagittarius. They say what is true for them. Like to make people happy. Often blunt in communicating. Pure, no malintent, not mean spirited.

VENUS (how one loves) – Sagittarius. Not too dependable, tends to be a player in love. Commands attention. Tells the truth. A lot of talk but not necessarily follow through.

MARS (ones energy, how one comes across to the world, also sexuality for a man) – Leo. Warm giving, like the drama. Kind, good, flamboyant. Great father, picture a lion playing with his cubs. Pride shines out. Wants to know his mate sees him in the highest light. Don’t put a Leo down, especially in public.

JUPITER (how one works, how you apply yourself to things) – Cancer. Very giving. Motherly. Family important. Sees work mates as his family members.

SATURN (how one fights, with others and myself) – Virgo. Servitude. Very exact. Always correcting. Sense and sensibility. “No I didn’t say that I said this…”. “I didn’t mean that…”.

My son’s sun sign is Aries. It is a fire sign. Innocence, naive and will make blunders.

Tom Whitelaw died October 14, 2008. He was a dear friend to many. He had a special place in my family’s heart. He was 90 years old.

At the funeral this past weekend I wanted to stand up and share some of my memories, but just wasn’t able to form the words without getting overly emotional. So instead I am writing my memories here.

Some of the things I remember about Tom….

I remember when we were little he’d read the newspaper in his chair in the living room. As kids we would try to punch the paper in, or flick it from the other side. He never got angry at us for it. Instead he’d close the paper, stand up and say “RAH HA!”, and we’d giggle and run away.

I remember coming home for lunch from school (not sure what grade I was in at the time), to watch Perry Mason with Tom.

Tom would occasionally make a sandwich for lunch, rye bread, relish, roast beef and white onion. Sometimes he’d make one for me too.

One of my brothers was particularly close to Tom in the most recent years. He was always known as renegade at Muriel and Tom’s. He found a mentor and friend in Tom. He followed in Tom’s footsteps and became an Electrician. I am so happy that he graduated before Tom passed on, and that Tom could be proud of him. When he comes home to visit Victoria, he almost always would make time to see Tom. He came home for Thanksgiving and seeing Tom just didn’t work out. A day later Tom passed away and he was already back at work in Alberta. We didn’t know Tom was in his last few days. Maybe it was meant to be, because now we remember Tom as Tom. My brother and I feel particularly bad about not seeing him as of late. It was hard to have Tom pass on, hard for me to deal with my feelings of his passing, but even harder to see how Tom’s passing as been effecting one of my brothers. He was so broken up at the funeral, it made my heart ache to make it better for him.

The funeral was lovely. I choose not to walk pass the open casket as I want Tom in my memories as he is, not as he was in the casket. It is very hard to believe he is gone.

His wife Muriel took care of us kids when we were younger. We sort of became part of their very extended family. How lucky we are to have had Muriel and Tom in our lives. They will always be remembered fondly. Muriel passed away in 1996, I still miss her. I have no doubt I will always miss Tom too.

Becoming a parent is the most humbling experience I’ve ever gone through. I had so many expectations of what things would be like, not many of them realistic ones.

The first couple of weeks were the hardest. William needed to be held to sleep, we could not put him down. We never intended to sleep with our baby, nor did we want to, but it became a necessity in order for us to get any shut eye. I laugh because some of the parents who I heard of (prior to motherhood), who slept with their babes, I thought they were crazy and I thought it was their choice. I found out for many of them that is not the case. After the first two weeks we had to start supplementing William with formula because he just was not getting enough to grow, and since then we’ve been able to put him down by himself. We bought a co-sleeper little bassinet that sat on top of our bed that he slept in. And now in the past two weeks we’ve been able to move the co-sleeper bassinet to his crib in our room where he sleeps most of the night. On a rare occasion he does come into bed with us in the early hours of the morning. He is quickly outgrowing the bassinet and it looks like will have to make the transition to the crib soon.

I also thought that Moms had a choice of whether or not to breastfeed. I understand now that’s not always the case. I’ve had low milk supply from the beginning, and have done everything to increase it, seen specialists, taken medications, pumped, the list goes on, and it’s not for the lack of trying. In the past couple of days my supply has been going down even further, not sure why really, even though I’d love to analyze. We’ve had to ask ourselves what is realistic, and are just trying to go with the flow so to speak, which seems to be to formula feed him. This is more disappointing to me than I ever would have imagined, and I feel so guilty for not being able to provide for my son like I wanted to. There is nothing left to do about it but accept it and get on with life.

There are so many other things about becoming a Mom that are more wonderful than I thought would be. Ever time he smiles and coos it just makes my day. I honestly never thought I could love something or someone as much as I love my son. And I’m not saying I love my husband less than I love my son, which is definitely not the case, since having our son I love him more, I just love him differently than I do our son.

I am a little more than 38 weeks pregnant now, about 12 more days until my due date.  I think a woman gets to a stage in pregnancy where she is so uncomfortable and getting things done are so much harder, so she becomes less scared of labour and just want to be “done” with the pregnancy part. I would say that pretty accurately describes me now 😉

In March we got to meet our backup midwife, Susan. She was very pleasant and made me feel good about possibly giving birth with her as our caregiver. Our primary midwife, Colleen, is back from holidays today, and we saw her at today’s appointment.

Things continue to go along just “fine”. I have been experiencing more Braxton Hicks in the past couple weeks, and even more so in the past day or so. Our midwife did an internal exam today, my cervix has not started to dilate yet, but it is now soft. Next week I may consider getting my membranes swept depending on where I am at. Baby has moved further down into my pelvis, and I get occasional very sharp pains when a nerve gets hit, particularly in my hips or back.

My husband and I have heard a funny wet snapping noise occasionally. We cannot pinpoint if it is coming from me or my uterus. We’ve asked both our midwives and neither know what it is. Some speculations is it might be my joints relaxing and popping, or could even be my digestion (though I think it sounds different than my digestion), or possibly the baby’s joints. Always a little bothersome when they don’t know what something is, hopefully something to do with me and not baby. Of course they tell us that it is most likely nothing to worry about.

My tummy continues to grow. My fundal height measured 37cms at todays appointment.

Our bags are mostly packed and all ready to go to the hospital. I am just doing things that I want done around the house before baby arrives.

I am off work and glad I went off when I did. I went back for an all day conference last week and the day was just too long for me. Being at home I am free to get up, nap or rest when I need to. Sitting for 7 hours got a little uncomfortable.

My Mom, as excited Grandma-to-be, is throwing me a baby shower this weekend. We registered for a few items at Toys R Us (Canada) and the Mothering Touch (Victoria):

http://www.toysrus.ca/registry/index.jsp

http://www.motheringtouch.ca/

We did not register for items like: clothes, sleepers, undershirts/onsies, blankets, bibs, wash clothes, hats, socks/booties, crib sheets, or toys etc. – as we felt if people wanted to buy us these items it would be nicer if they were able to choose for themselves.

We are excited and looking forward to meeting our new family member soon.

We had a maternity photo shoot session when I was 33.5 weeks pregnant. Originally I was really apprehensive about getting photos done while I was pregnant as I did not know I would want to commemorate my pregnancy not to mention how I looked while pregnant. My husband really wanted us to get them done. Originally I was worried that he would be grossed out by my pregnant body, not the case, he is one of those guys that thinks pregnant bodies are beautiful.

We looked into a number of photographers. We wanted to get someone that would do some artistic shots as well as sensual ones. I originally came across Fish Eye in my search and didn’t look at her whole portfolio of maternity photos and for some reason ruled her out. As we were seeking recommendations, we asked our midwife office and picked up two cards there, one being Fish Eye. I contacted both photographers, and had a better, more in depth look at their photos online. Fish Eye’s maternity portraits were a little more daring than some, she has some tasteful nudes, which we really liked. We also really liked that we got a high resolution CD of the session and did not have to buy each photo individually, making it more reasonably priced. The other photographer we were deciding between charged an additional $850 for her high resolution CD, whereas with Fish Eye included it with the session cost for around $300.

I contacted Fish Eye to book a session. Martine Thomson is the photographer of Fish Eye Photography, and she was just coming out of maternity leave, she had a beautiful son about 4 months ago. Originally she was only able to book me in on April 12th, which is my due date (well 12-13th-ish is my due date, I like the 12th better). I know most first babies are late but after we’d made the decision to get the photos done we really did not want to miss the opportunity if baby joined us a little earlier. A friend of mine suggested getting them done between 32 and 34 weeks pregnant. Martine was able to squeeze us into her schedule on February 26th, which was ideal for us. As most people have told me, my belly appears like I am smaller and maybe I should have waited a couple more weeks to have a bigger belly in the photos, but I don’t think so. For me I feel ‘big bellied’ already, every pregnant woman is different. We did not want to get the photos done when I was busting out pregnant or too near the end.

Since giving birth to her son Martine has given up her 4000 square foot studio and now works out of her home studio. Only 4 months after giving birth pretty amazing to already be back at work if you ask me! It is a nice cozy studio in her home.

I was definitely a little nervous about getting some of the near nude photos taken. My husband really wanted me to try it, so for him I thought I would make an effort. Having read her reviews online, that Martine really makes you feel comfortable with the session and your nakedness, which I also found she did very naturally. There were only two times when I felt like I was naked/exposed. Once when I had to take off my clothes, we took photos clothed first and then she asked if I wanted to do some robe shots. She asked me to strip down and apologized for not having a change room, we laughed because she was going to see it all anyway, and it’s not like she was watching me, it just made me aware that I was naked when I first took my clothes off. I had a robe draped over me at first and the rest happened very gradually and I did not feel exposed or nude the rest of the session at all. I hardly noticed it. The next time I felt nude was when we were done taking photos and it was time to dress, it kind of dawned on me that I was naked! Martine was very easy to speak to and made us both feel at ease. My husband only had his shirt off for some of the photos, whereas I was tastefully draped with fabrics or body parts in most of them. We are happy with the end product.

We had our 34 week appointment yesterday. I am a little relieved to report that my fundal height has grown since my last appointment, and it is now 32 cms. My midwife says she can feel baby’s size and he is growing, good news 🙂

I had someone comment to my husband that it did not sound like I was doing very well in my blog, and perhaps I would benefit from going off work now. My husband made the comment that maybe I write about the negative things too often and not the positive. I always try tell it like it is, but also but a positive spin on it at the end. I think for some men it all sounds awful and hard to deal with. People ask how I am feeling, and I say you know little tired etc… but I AM pregnant after all. All the symptoms I have experienced are completely normal and I have had a healthy pregnancy so far. I am very fortunate and have not yet experienced any of the pregnancy complications that some woman do. I am still growing a person inside me, so it does take more energy and I am experiencing some pregnancy symptoms that cannot be called pleasant, but are all manageable. Sometimes I get overwhelmed and feel like I am falling apart, but in the grand scheme of things I am fine. I have enjoyed the journey through pregnancy thus far, and even though some things I did not imagine to be like they are (e.g. the books didn’t tell me about THAT!), it does not necessarily mean they have been bad, au contraire, just different.

My mind is constantly blown away by the miracle of pregnancy. I still cannot fathom that I am making a person inside me and carrying him around, despite his constant reminders when he stretches his little legs into my ribs 😉 Baby could come now in the next 3 – 8 weeks (which is between 37 and 42 weeks pregnant). My midwife said the statistic for first pregnancies is to go 8 days after your 40 week due date. I was born a couple days after my due date, and my husband was born a day after his. We both weighed in the 7 lbs range.

I often get my husband to put his hands on my belly to feel baby move. Baby is most active after dinner and when I am going to bed at night, particularly when my husband reads to us before bed. Often my husband will say “wowwooo!” to some of baby’s movements, because they are so large or so strong. Space is getting tighter as baby grows, so I feel less wind up kicks of punches, mostly legs stretching or hiccups. Hiccups are so funny, because baby will start hiccuping and I feel a very rhythmic knocking, then a couple minutes into it he starts to move (my guess is he is annoyed that he is still hiccuping so much and is moving around out of irritation), very cute. I feel bad for baby sometimes because they can be quite persistent for a while. Typically they happen after I’ve had something to eat or drink (which I’ve read is common).

I have baby and pregnancy on my brain. I am looking forward to having some time at home before the baby so I can focus on them and also get some more rest and perhaps even relax 😉