Becoming a parent is the most humbling experience I’ve ever gone through. I had so many expectations of what things would be like, not many of them realistic ones.
The first couple of weeks were the hardest. William needed to be held to sleep, we could not put him down. We never intended to sleep with our baby, nor did we want to, but it became a necessity in order for us to get any shut eye. I laugh because some of the parents who I heard of (prior to motherhood), who slept with their babes, I thought they were crazy and I thought it was their choice. I found out for many of them that is not the case. After the first two weeks we had to start supplementing William with formula because he just was not getting enough to grow, and since then we’ve been able to put him down by himself. We bought a co-sleeper little bassinet that sat on top of our bed that he slept in. And now in the past two weeks we’ve been able to move the co-sleeper bassinet to his crib in our room where he sleeps most of the night. On a rare occasion he does come into bed with us in the early hours of the morning. He is quickly outgrowing the bassinet and it looks like will have to make the transition to the crib soon.
I also thought that Moms had a choice of whether or not to breastfeed. I understand now that’s not always the case. I’ve had low milk supply from the beginning, and have done everything to increase it, seen specialists, taken medications, pumped, the list goes on, and it’s not for the lack of trying. In the past couple of days my supply has been going down even further, not sure why really, even though I’d love to analyze. We’ve had to ask ourselves what is realistic, and are just trying to go with the flow so to speak, which seems to be to formula feed him. This is more disappointing to me than I ever would have imagined, and I feel so guilty for not being able to provide for my son like I wanted to. There is nothing left to do about it but accept it and get on with life.
There are so many other things about becoming a Mom that are more wonderful than I thought would be. Ever time he smiles and coos it just makes my day. I honestly never thought I could love something or someone as much as I love my son. And I’m not saying I love my husband less than I love my son, which is definitely not the case, since having our son I love him more, I just love him differently than I do our son.
5 comments
Comments feed for this article
Trackback link
http://julessilver.com/2008/06/try-not-to-judge/trackback/
June 14, 2008 at 3:29 pm
sharon mckellar
it’s early in the morning and i’m quite tired, but this post made me teary eyed. it’s lovely. and it sounds like you guys are wonderful parents.
June 16, 2008 at 2:53 pm
Kevin Haggerty
Sorry to hear about your breastfeeding troubles - like you said though, there isn’t really anything you can do about it so try not to let it get you down. William will be more than fine on formula.
In regards to your comment about loving your son - I couldn’t agree with you more on that. In fact, just yesterday I was thinking the EXACT same thing. I’m sure every parent feels that way about their child(ren) - or at least I hope they do.
June 18, 2008 at 12:44 am
matt williams
I want to say, that you are absolutely correct about what you say. Being a parent is a humbling experience. Do not feel guilty over something you have no control of. We have 5 kids and do not love one more than the other. Just love them different, including my wife.
June 21, 2008 at 3:50 am
Cynthia Armistead
Hi there
I got here from a link on your husband’s blog, and got there from the WordPress Planet feed.
I’m sorry to hear that the first few weeks with your baby were so difficult, but I can absolutely relate. I had plenty of milk when my daughter was born, but it didn’t have enough calories, so she was constantly hungry. What we were initially told was “colic” was just her being hungry. After the first few weeks, because she was losing weight, we started supplementing with formula, and she was much more peaceful immediately. One of my aunts has a daughter with rickets due to the same issue, and some of my cousins had the same problem.
Some babies are clingier than others, even when they are getting enough to eat. If my girl had so much as a sniffle, she wanted Mommy to hold her, so I’d end up sleeping on the couch with her on my chest. (Her father didn’t want her in our bed.) It didn’t hurt either of us in the long run. She’s 17 and perfectly fine, although still very affectionate, thankfully.
Enjoy your sweet little one. This is a beautiful time!
June 24, 2008 at 10:24 pm
maya
Oh goodness, please don’t worry about the breast-feeding thing. I felt so guilty in the beginning with Priya. It was hard with her and I was getting pressure from all sides. I’d swear if I ever heard the phrase “Breast is Best” again I’d puke. Strangers that would stop and smile at her on the street would ask me if I was breast-feeding. I think that question is so inappropriate from a stranger. I would sometimes answer with “I put coca-cola in her bottle.” and then they would scowl at me. I stopped breast milk with her at 5 months completely and she is a healthy and strong child. She has never been sick except for the occasional runny nose.
Amara was easier for me to breast-feed but I stopped at 5 months too. I am not confined to her all the time for food. I have to work, take care of Priya and run my household and formula gives me the opportunity to do that. The irony is that if you’re so stressed out about trying to produce milk it’s not going to happen and then your baby will just be hungry and upset which will make you upset. It’s a never ending cycle.
This is 2008 and formulas are better than ever. I am SOO over it.
I just wanted to add that your love for William will grow with time. I did not think that was possible but it’s so true.
Good job Julia!